And then she was gone
by jessielou
Summary: Nick is left reeling when Catherine dies and he tries to find a way to cope with the loss.


Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me

Nick walked the dark street alone. Every so often he would stop and stare up at the overcast sky. A part of him was longing to see a star something to let him know that amongst all the darkness and misery there was some light. He dealt with horrific crimes everyday but when it was one of the team it changed everything. No one had rushed to him to ask how he felt no one had even thought that perhaps the death of Catherine might actually have affected him. No it had been Warrick and Grissom that had gotten all the attention while he had been tossed to the sideline. Not even Sara, who was normally so observant, had managed to pick up on the way he was feeling. They were all too wrapped up in their own little worlds to notice him. But Catherine had noticed him; she had been there when he had needed someone. There had never been anything sexual between the pair of them. He had left that side of her needs up to Warrick. What they had had was much deeper they had connected. No one understood him like she had. When she was around he felt he could tell her anything. She would not judge him and he would not judge her. They could relax and be the people they really where instead of the people the rest of the world wanted them to be.

As he turned the corner of another dark street he realised that his feet had carried him to her house. He stood looking up at the empty shell of a house that had once contained laugher and joy. He glanced up to Lindsey's room and wondered what would become of her. She would probably go to live with her aunt across town. The poor kid she had lost both her parents now and she had no one. Nick felt guilty for a moment for only considering his own feelings. Lindsey was the one who would suffer the most out of them all. She would have to grow up never fully knowing what a wonderful person Catherine was. He turned to leave unable to look at the house anymore.

The office seemed so quiet as he sat waiting for his assignment. Outside the glass windows he could see the rest of the building busily working away. He knew that life went on that in time the pain would fade but he wanted the world to stop, just for a moment at least. He knew it never would just like he knew that Grissom would carry on with his work, immersing himself inside his own little world where he could be safe. That is what Grissom did when he wanted to escape. He had done it to Sara when she had become to close and now he was doing it to cope with the loss of Catherine. Sara would take her moments grieving alone where no one could see. She never liked people to see that she was weak but unlike Grissom she was willing to share the pain with others. She had made an attempt to talk to Warrick but he did not want to discuss it. Warrick would do what he did best brood. And Greg, good old Greg would try and make the whole thing light hearted. He did not cope well with situations of high stress and his way out was to turn everything into a joke. More often than not he ended up annoying people but his heart was in the right place. Nick decided that Grissom had it figured out. It was better to never let anybody close. That way when they did leave it would hurt less. But in his heart he knew he could never really be like that he cared about people too much and that was his main flaw.

The day of the funeral seemed to come round so quickly. Less than a week ago they had all been in the office together working away. Catherine had been so eager to prove herself all the time. Despite the mistakes she had made in the past she never gave up. Now as he looked around the church he could see the pallid face of all his work colleagues. Warrick had chosen to sit at the back of the church alone. The look in his eyes portrayed the pain he was desperately trying to hide from his face. Sara's eyes were slightly red but she was managing to maintain her composure. Greg was sat to the left of him. They had gone together to give each other support. Greg had noticed the pain that Nick had been silently going through and he wanted to be there for his friend.

There were more people at the funeral than had been expected and theaisleswere filled. The mixture of different people showed the impact Catherine had had on all walks of life. Lindsey sat with her aunt and sobbed gently as Grissom read from his carefully prepared cards. The team had decided that it would be best for him to give the reading, as he was the head of the team. Nick was glad he had not been asked to do it. There were no words he could think of to describe the way he felt or what she had meant to him. He knew Grissom was talking but he could no longer make out the words. They were hollow to him. All he wanted to do was run from the church into the fresh air. He looked towards Lindsey again and knew that he had to stay in the church at least for a while longer. She was a child but somehow she was finding the strength to cope when he could not. It was obvious to him that she had inherited her mothers fighting streak and for her sake he stayed.

People filled out of the church and returned to their lives leaving Catherine behind. Nick broke off from the group. They were heading off to the wake but he could not cope with people. So instead he went and sat by her grave but when he got there he found Lindsey. She smiled and held out her hand to him. The pair of them sat until the night sky turned to an inky blue. Nick had been forced to deal with many horrid things since becoming a CSI but the death of Catherine Willows was the worst.


End file.
